The City of Salem is up in arms this morning as an out-of-town woman was spotted at several local drinking establishments dressed as a “Sexy Witch,” sending shockwaves of disrespect, anger, and disgust through the historic city.
Confusion set in early Saturday evening as many locals who caught a glimpse of her, found themselves wondering why she would disrespect such an iconic symbol of the town’s history during their most celebrated holiday event.
“How dare she deface the meaning of our town by parading herself in that outfit,” said one unnamed local. Another patron in his mid-20’s remarked that he “shooed her out of the bar” as “that kind of outfit is not welcome here.” The accused woman, however, explained to this reporter that she was “just trying to be ironic.” “I thought it would be funny to dress like a skank for Halloween, since that’s what every other girl seems to do. I threw on a slim, low-cut black dress, some black heels,” the accused woman explained that she didn’t even wear a pointy hat, but was being ridiculed, particularly by young male locals, for her heinous outfit. “Perhaps it was because I had that 5th shot of fireball and started to grind on a busboy sweeping the floor,” She reflected.
The Salem Police were reportedly contacted 9 times about the Sexy Witch. They released a statement a short time ago that read: We apologize to the local and visiting community for experiencing this unspeakable and lewd act. The Sexy Witch is neither a reflection of the city or the community’s values. We hope that this behavior won’t be copy-catted by others during this time of celebrating the city’s rich and positive history.
No formal charges have been filed on the woman as of Sunday morning. However, a city has been sadly defiled during the most culturally celebrated event in Salem History.
-Martin MacFly-