Kylie Jenner Isn’t Living Your Life

I’m going to say something here that might piss off a lot of people, but it’s something I’ve found to be obnoxiously apparent: sometimes moms can be the worst. To be clear, I’m not talking about all moms. I’m talking about the moms who think that everyone has to live by their ethical and moral standards because their children exist.

Case-in-point: Kylie Jenner has a makeup line, and that makeup line includes blushes with names such as “Hot and Bothered,” “X Rated,” “Barely Legal,” and “Virginity,” and this has upset some mothers. One mom even tweeted at Kylie to “choose better names for your products. You have 12-year-old fans.”

More than that, Kylie had a baby sometime around the Super Bowl – I was told about it because I really don’t give a shit – and then about a month later she went out on a date with some other famous person I don’t care about, which apparently pissed a bunch of moms off, too.

According to E! (yes, I watch sometimes) these “momma shamers” called her “irresponsible” and said things like, “This is what happens when you have 3 nannies,” as though they themselves have never gotten a babysitter.

To be very clear, I agree with these moms that the Kardashians aren’t the most upstanding people in the world. They’re the Charles Barkleys of reality television – they’re not here to be role models for your kids – so it’s no surprise to me if one of them chooses to release a makeup line called “Anal” or gets pulled over for running a stop sign on their way to get a blow job.

They were raised in a much different environment than I was – my mom never leveraged my sex tape into an empire, for one – so it’s unreasonable of me to expect them to live by my standards. I certainly don’t tweet at them to do so, and they don’t tweet at me for not getting ass implants. Instead, I just bitch about them to my friends and family and some of the chattier women I meet in bar bathrooms. Maybe you could do the same.

Or maybe you could police your 12-year-old’s Instagram instead of policing Kylie Jenner’s. Because yes, Kylie Jenner is raising a baby, but you have to remember that she isn’t raising yours.

— Charlotte Cannon