The Bachelorette

The Most Dramatic Season Yet!

ABC is in its 14th season of The Bachelorette. The show (and its companion show The Bachelor) follows 25 contestants as they all date the same person and desperately fight for fame love. Sounds like you want to throw up, right? But seriously, if you’ve never seen an episode or followed a season to its conclusion, I’m here to tell you you’re missing out on arguably the greatest sitcom on TV.

There are group dates, one-on-one dates, two-on-one dates, parades of ridiculous contests that somehow represent how relationships work, someone who’s not there for the “right reasons,” a helicopter ride, one awkward slow dance in front of a low-level country singer, and an endless stream of people talking about “the process” and their deep-seeded trust issues at the age of 24.

And you’ve got to hand it to the network – it’s pulled of a massive feat: turning the least realistic reality show into a national movement. People have developed drinking games, March Madness-type brackets, and there are viewing parties all over the country every Monday night – including in my living room. But let’s be real. There’s no way in actual reality that this show should be more than a half hour special, tops.

No real woman is going to go on a date with a guy who rides up in a chicken suit, or in a cupcake car, or on a donkey. If it weren’t for the season-long contract, those guys would be eliminated on site. Skinny jeans? Don’t even bother coming into the house.

But until America catches on and cops to the façade of cheering people on who are looking for love, I’ll continue watching right along. Because while I’m pretty sure I’ve aged out of being an actual contestant, I’ll never age out of my god-given right to judge others.

— Charlotte Cannon